In her new book, The Adversity Advantage: Turn Your Childhood Hardship into Career and Life Success, Jude Miller Burke, PhD, former Vice-President of Operations, Optum, at United Health Group, psychologist, and executive coach discusses how childhood trauma and adversity, in all forms ranging from abuse and neglect to poverty and violence, does not have to deter you from attaining personal happiness and career success. Rather, survival skills learned during childhood can be used to enhance and propel your career.
Through conducting, studying, and interviewing over 300 men and women, each earning an average income of $250K a year, Dr. Burke presents an in-depth glimpse into the lives of highly successful artists, business owners, CFOs, CEOs, VPs, architects, attorneys, therapists, medical doctors, and many more. By telling their stories, she describes their turning points and how they worked hard to reduce their shame, improve their self-confidence, manage their emotions at work, learn conflict negotiation skills, improve their communication, and ensure their leadership skills were not compromised by their childhood problems. Dr. Burke's previous book, The Millionaire Mystique, focused on the stories, advice, and pathways to success as described in research by 100 self-made female millionaires.
I had a chance to interview her to learn more.
Most people would look at childhood adversity as an obstacle - what made you decide to write about how it can be an advantage?
I had worked at Honeywell and United HealthGroup in Minneapolis and observed many people working hard and becoming successful and others fail. One of my duties as an employee assistance psychologist was to consult with managers about how to best supervise their employees with issues and so learned quickly what was working for employees on the road to success and what increased their chances of failure. I then moved from rural Minnesota to a suburb of Phoenix where the homes were beautiful, cars expensive, and lawns impeccably groomed. No one openly acknowledged issues, but over a glass of wine or a cup of coffee many people revealed their difficult family beginnings of poverty, child abuse, domestic violence, and having an alcoholic parent. My own upbringing was challenging and I did not have someone to coach and guide me for job interviews or help to pay college tuition. I wanted to create a roadmap for others to ease their difficulties.
What are some key leadership traits that can be strengthened by dealing with adversity?
While half of the 310 people I studied described experiencing childhood abuse, witnessing domestic violence, or having an alcoholic parent resulting in anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, shame, and problems in relationships; they also went on to clearly describe how they became students of life capitalizing on childhood survival skills, such as patience, intuition, determination, conflict negotiation, communication, and leading a values-driven life. Many leaders described how they were more compassionate and wanted to help the 'underdog'. For example, watching dishes break or yelling matches at the dinner table, created the necessity to be successful at work, to learn strong communication skills. Becoming a student of communication eventually improved their communication where they became far above average. Each chapter in The Adversity Advantage: Turn Your Childhood Hardship into Career and Life Success has self-assessments to help you recognize where you stand on many issues, such as self-esteem, confidence, shame, conflict management, communication, adult healthy relationships, and how your childhood impacts your leadership style.
Why is it important to recognize and avoid potential workplace triggers?
We all react to situations and people as if we are still in the past. Someone at work that has the characteristics, whether that be behavioral or physical, can trigger deeply buried reactions that may not be necessarily helpful at work. Conflict, competition, and performance are common triggers for many people. Recognizing the type of situations or behaviors that increase your anxiety and hinder you from being your best self, are important to recognize to enable you to moderate your feelings and be your strongest and best self at work. The same applies to parenting. If a parent recognizes their childhood adversity and how it impacts their own self-esteem, thought processes, and behaviors, it is less likely it will come spilling out in their parenting style. Let me give you an example. As a young adult I lost my younger brother in a car accident. Of course, my own grief and my family's grief was tremendous. Twenty years later, I was a very protective parent. Today, I realize the connection between the loss of my brother and being possibly overly focused on safety with my own children. Whether it is work or parenting, understanding the connection between your childhood adversity and your adult life, increases the chances of acting from a mindful and thoughtful place.
How can adults have a healthy perspective on both previous trauma and future goals?
Childhood trauma is common, and yet incredibly impactful. Recovery is a lifelong process. Thefirst step is to acknowledge the childhood adversity you experienced. Write about it. Seek a counselor to give witness to your experience. Admit it to yourself. I have talked with many people who say things such as, "Well, I was hit a lot, but I was a difficult kid." Or, "My Mom was drunk frequently and I was the primary cook and took care of the younger kids." Second, identify how it has impacted you. Common outcomes are anxiety, low grade depression, low frustration tolerance, low self-esteem, shame, and lack of hope for the future. Third, spend lots of time looking at your strengths - survival skills- as a result of your childhood hardships. Write them down. Repeat them to yourself. And, fourth, seek counseling for yourself with a counselor experienced and credentialed in the area of trauma recovery. The more severe troubles from childhood can be helped immensely with the right counselor. Whether you seek counseling or not, reading The Adversity Advantage: Turn Your Childhood Hardship into Career and Life Success can take you step by step through the process to help you understand the impact of your experiences and what you can do to find greater peace. The Adversity Advantage has people's real stories and concrete recommendations on what helped them become happy adults. Being compassionate with yourself, as hopefully, you would be with your own child is helpful when seeking future goals. Self-compassion is a skill that can be learned and practiced to better weather the inevitable detours and failures on the pathway to success.
In The Adversity Advantage: Turn Your Childhood Adversity Into Career and Life Success, you will learn:
· How common and impactful childhood abuse, witnessing domestic violence, and having an alcoholic parent is
· The Big 5 Personality Traits that enhance success regardless of one's childhood
· How to Rebuild Shattered Self-Confidence from Past Trauma
· How to Recognize and Resolve Your Emotional Triggers at Work
· The Connection Between Childhood Adversity and Leadership Abilities
· The Importance of Setting Healthy Boundaries in Your Career
· The Negative Impact of Adult Toxic Relationships
· Creating Resiliency and Rewriting Your Story
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